Ricky's Story

 

I lost my fiance Ricky to sucide on 3-8-91. This is so very hard to write about but maybe by sharing this for the first time fully I'll be better able to heal and also help others too. Ricky and I met when we were both in the 8th grade in school and we knew one another for 10 years before he died. We met through his sister Wendy... she introduced us and said that she thought we would be good for one another. Even to this day, I think she was right about that. Ricky and I had a tough time during our entire dating relationship however mainly because my mom and step-father did everything they could to interfer with the relationship and keep us apart. Now I think I know part of the reason for this. My step-father abused me for years physcially, emotionally and sexually. This went on from the time my mom and step-father married when I was 4 years of age until I was almost 17. Finally I told Ricky what was going on because he was the only person in the world I could confide in at the time. Otherwise I felt very much alone. I did have other friends in school too but I couldn't confide in them like I could with Ricky. Once I told him what my step-father had been doing and that it was still happening (the sexual abuse mainly), Ricky put a stop to it by confronting both my mom and step-father with it. My mom told both Ricky and I we were lying; however, when my step-father was confronted, he admitted it. In any case, once all the abuse came out in the open, that made things even harder for me and Ricky to continue to have a relationship at all; however, we managed to do it despite the fact that my mom and step-father both tried to keep us apart. I went on to college partly because I wanted to and also to get away from home and the abuse. However, my step-father forced me to come home at times with excuses for fixing my car ect. He did abuse me emotionally during that time and so did my mom to a degree.... and a couple of times later there were other advances against me sexaully.... once in 1994 when my mom had a hysterectmy and then again in 1998 Christmas night... after that, I never went home again and I tried to avoid both my mom and step-father at all costs but living in the same state as them it was hard to keep away from them because they were always able to track me down... finally I moved to Minnesota to escape and felt safe for the first time in my life. Anyway during college, especially when I did go home, Ricky and I would manage to get together though I had to sneak to his home to do that.... his family always accepted me but mine didn't accept Ricky or any of my friends but I'm sure the reason for the most part was to keep the abuse hidden but ultimately it didn't work. One day in January of 1991 Ricky thought I had come home from college for the weekend so he decided to go to my mom and step-father's home to find me and I was still at college that weekend. When my step-father saw Ricky, he threatened to kill him Personally I think that is at least partly what pushed Ricky over the edge emotionally and more than likely caused his suicide. Also I'm sure that my mom and step-father attempting to do everything they could to keep us apart caused alot of it too. Ricky's family feels the same way I do about all of this. The last conversation Ricky and I had before he died I still have a lot of guilt from because he called me on Valentines Day of 1991 and told me he didn't feel like he would live much longer. In fact, he told me he didn't think he would be alive by March 10th 1991 and he died on the 8th. He told me that his medication he takes to control his epileptic siezures isn't working and the seizures were getting more severe. He also had me promise not to allow my parents or anyone else try to come between any other friendship I ever have in the future (which I did... not knowing at the time he could be suicidal). I knew of the depression though. He also told me I needed to write a book about my life and have it published. I did write the book but not published it as of yet. Anyway that conversation has hauted me ever since.... then on March 3rd 1991 I happened to be home because it was my mother's birthday and I was expected to be home and I thought I might be able to see Ricky then too but it didn't turn out that way. I woke up that morning with a migrane headache and my mom went to church and found out from the pastor that Ricky was in a coma from cardic arrest due to a seizure he had. I didn't find out until a week or so later that there was too much Dialation in his bloodstream and that was when I realized it was a suicide. Ricky was in a coma for a week and he died March 8, 1991 and his funeral was March 10th 1991. At the funeral I didn't even sit with my mom or step-father (even though they went too) I chose to sit with Ricky's family and I stayed with them that entire week... Ricky's mom also died 6 weeks after Ricky from a heart attack and I was the only one around her when that happened too so I feel cursed. During the time between Ricky's and his mom's death, I went home every weekend to visit with Ricky's family since my family and his all lived in the same town. We all lived in a small town in Texas called Navasota.... about an hour from Houston, Texas. I don't think I'll ever recover from Ricky's death even though it's been 10 years since his death. I've been able to deal with the abuse I went through for years with the help of some very good therapists but haven't really dealt with Ricky's death much at all... I'm in constant pain and have been since I found out he was in a coma March 3, 1991. I also still feel guilt too because of the phone conversation we had on Valentine's Day of that same year and I didn't have a clue that he could be suicidal. I wish I would have known especially since he and I were so very close. I feel like I might could have saved him somehow as he was able to save me. Even his family told me I was closer to Ricky than anyone including his own family. I know that was true for me too. He was the most important person in my life at that time and always will be.... Terri Spencer Fiance of Ricky 10-28-67 to 3-8-91 terrilynnspencer@yahoo.com

 

 

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